As exclusively reported by [REDACTED] Media & Water Meter Services, burst pipes aren’t the only thing flooding your estates. ISIS Republican refugees looking for new teeth and €19 per week with free cars and houses have been pouring over Ireland’s borders with Hungary and Greece.

In a Worldwide EXCLUSIVE Mean O’Donkey quotes a high up Garda Source in RTÉ who heard that Republicans from Libya who are known to the Gardaí have been seen following decent taxpayers through leafy suburbs with the intent of stealing their conservation water meters.

Mick Wallace has not denounced these known Muslim hoardes with Republican backgrounds and one source said they may be close to Luke Ming Flanagan as well as Jeremy Corbyn depending on which made up story we need to corroborate.

Paul “Mob” Murphy who has not yet been convicted of murder, terrorism or water balloonism was not available for comment when we didn’t ask him but you can only imagine what he’d say so we’ve made a handy graphic of a rising sun, his head and some hammers and sickles to frighten the children.

When pressed by Marian Finucane on Saturday, Labour/Fine Gael’s Minister Alan Kelly/Farrell agreed:

“Yes Marian, I saw the rugby and it was FANTASTIC.”

During Leader’s Questions Joan Burton was asked if she thought it was to go ahead with the execution of the Jobstown 27:

“Can I just say, JEAN MCCONVILLE?!”

– whereupon the Ceann Comhairle expelled a few Shinners and closed the session.

For more agitprop stay tuned to [REDACTED] radio, news and Nu Pravda.