Operation Sorry Ma’am has begun. The return of South Dublin to the United Kingdom has been heralded by the painting red of post boxes across the enclave.
Last week a banner of apology for the Irish rebellion was unfurled from the Bank of Ireland HQ, which will also return to use as the legislative house for the breakaway principality.
A ‘Return to the Mainland’ plebiscite which appeared as a 3rd paper on the day of the Marriage Referendum received a 94% Yes vote with only pockets of dissent in places like Ballybrack.
Sir Bob Geldof has been sworn in as Governor General and will represent Queen Elizabeth during the handover which was agreed in secret during her visit in 2011.
It had been thought that Cork City was part of the deal but, unfortunately, the Queen refused to take that off our hands despite the craven antics when she visited their shop.
Plans for the handover had been progressing slowly since Garret Fitz met Margaret Thatcher, the unofficial head of Fine Gael, in the early 1980s.
Major hurdles such as what to do with RTÉ (they’re getting it but we’ll pay for it) and who gets Bono (he’s being shot as part of the celebrations) were overcome during the last days of the John Unionist government.
The minutiae of bordering, posts and telegraphs and currency changeovers were finalized in 2011 when Enda appointed a committee of Elaine Byrne, Michael McDowell and Dermot Lacey to work in camera with high-ranking civil serpants from her majesty’s service.
Paddies and oiks will be granted day passes to the ‘Hebron of West Britain’ in order to operate the Dort and to clean the jacks in the Aviva and the RDS.